I started the year off with a resolution: Run one race per month, each month, for one year.

So far, I’ve had great personal success pushing through new experiences and goals as moved through the first 5 months of the year’s races.  Each race was a milestone and a benchmark.

The last race was the Mini Marathon, a goal of mine since I began running in December 2010.  It was a huge accomplishment, and as soon as it was over, I immediately signed up for two more 1/2 marathons.  But, I also decided that I needed a training break.

It’s important to listen to your head and your heart while training and moving forward, and my body needed a bit of a break after the push through the mini heat, so I rested for two weeks.

The first run back was painful, but it was worth the weeks of muscle recuperation.

So, now I’m back training for the next few races and I’m very excited for the races I have coming up, especially the ones where my friends are running with me!

So, at not quite the 1/2 way point of the year, here’s the schedule so far for the remaining months. Nearly all are chosen and registered for, with just a few months still pending.

June:
Head for the Cure 5k
Carmel, IN

July:
The Color Run 5k
White River State park

August: 
Probable: Debating between my first trail run 5k or a 5-miler

September:
Probable: The Popcorn Panic 5k
Valparaiso, IN

October:
Probable: Wine at the Line 5 mile
Bargersville, IN

November:
The Monumental Half Marathon
Indianapolis, IN

December:
The Santa Hustle 5k
White River State Park

Good Luck Flowers

I think I went through every emotion possible during this race.

There were feelings of pain, euphoria, anger, happiness, tears of joy and tears of exhaustion.

Leading up to the race, I had the best support from my husband and friends.  I never imagined the kind of support I received.  Cards, flowers, sweatbands, bracelets and Gatorade.  Not to mention the countless texts, facebook posts and tweets cheering me on before I even laced up.

The morning of the race I woke up at 5 a.m. and I barely even needed the alarm.  Adrenaline was pumping through my as the first then I did was look up the temperature.  Mid-60s – sounds perfect!  And then, I saw it… the humidity was a lung-crushing 97%.

Crap.

Good luck bracelet

That humidity and I were going to battle that morning and I had to flush all my time dreams down the toilet. But, I couldn’t stop now.  The game plan was to run hard, but be smart, and just finish.  I gave up all my time goals and decided with this being my first half-marathon, my goal is just to finish.

And finish, I did.

Miles 1-2 were solid.  I was feeling good and started out a bit slow with the crowds.  It was a course I was familiar with and I felt good going up the hill around the Zoo that I normally hate.  I even got to see an elephant watching the runners!

As I approached mile 3, things got hot and the humidity started to play tricks with my head.  I had to walk a bit and started pouring water over my head at the pit stops.  Mile 4 was okay and around mile 5 I got a pick-me-up as I took a Bayer AM to ward against upcoming pain and get a little caffeine boost.  I also took my first set of Powerade Energy Gel Blasts.  I felt strong and good heading into the track and almost cried once as I ran down the hill and walked up the steep incline into the track.

Good luck Gatorade

I loved every second of the track as I pushed forward, ready for the main straightaway.

Heading out of the track I was on cloud nine, if not a bit tired, as I looked for my husband outside the track.  We had set a few places to meet on the course, but missed the first mark, so I knew this was the one he’d be at, if no other.   He was waiting right as I hit 16th street and I happily attacked him with a smile, a kiss and a hug before taking some ice cubes and running on.

The ice cubes were a huge help as I turned back toward downtown and the yellow flags came out on the course to warn of heat and telling us all to slow down.  I didn’t have to be told twice, because my body was fighting the heat  more than my mind was. Every time I picked up my feet to make a run for it, it seemed like shortly thereafter the heat beat me back down.  There was a sweet old nun around mile 10 that was standing by herself, cheering, who nearly sent me into tears when she cheered me on by name and told me to keep going, that I could do it.

SUCCESSFUL FINISH!

I used up every bit of energy I had left to push through the last few miles and the last few feet, my legs wanted to just shut down, but I kept pushing so I could finish running.  And when it was over, runner’s high was an understatement.  I was full of pride and exhaustion and happiness.

Less than a week later, I’ve signed up for the Monumental Half Marathon and signed up for next year’s mini.  After finishing my first, I’ve set my sights on time goals and I’m ready to keep pushing forward.

The idea of this race is what inspired me to begin running 18 months ago, what inspired me to do what I told myself I never could.  When I started running I couldn’t make it to the end of the street.  I started running as an experiment.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could learn to love what I’ve always hated.  I wanted to prove that at my mind was stronger than my body.  And I succeeded in ways I never dreamed of.

So, onward, to keep running and prove even more in the future.

May Race
13.1 Miles
14:23 pace
3:08:27 total time

I was knock down, pass out exhausted today.

After pushing so hard the past few weeks to do everything, I hit my limit today. I could have fallen asleep while walking down the hall.

Just a reminder that you can’t do anything if you don’t take care of yourself.

But, with a 15k planned for this Saturday, I was overdue for a training run. Exhausted as I was, I hit the pavement for my first “free run” in probably a year. No watch, no heart rate monitor, not even any water. Just lacing up and running out.

It wasn’t a fast run by any means, nor was it a long run. But it was nice to zone out and listen to my feet, legs and the rest of me instead of watching the clock.

Bonus race this month!

Fun race with a pretty solid course.  I ran this one with a friend and my husband and it was great to have the company.

The course started in front of Bankers Life Fieldhouse and ran north to North street, west to Meridian, South to Washington, west to Capital, west to West, south to South, east to Capital, north to Georgia and then finished at the Fieldhouse again.

My favorite part of this course was the Georgia street 1/4 mile finish.  Each school had a cheering station and they really helped me to finish strong. I had some hamstring trouble about mid-way, but it was a solid run today.

Topped it off with an outdoor, post-race beer and lunch on a sunny afternoon.

March Bonus Race
3.1 Miles
11:07 pace
34:27 total time

I haven’t written a blog post since last month’s race.

I would consider myself a private person and I’ve noticed the more I have to say, the less I write on here.  The more my head fills up, the less I want to put out here in words.

What brought me back to writing today was February’s race.

I was originally scheduled to run a 5k on the 11th, but a last minute trip shut down that option.  Then I was going to run the Groundhog 7 on the 12th, but a post-Super Bowl cold shut down that option as I was still in recovery.

Enter: The Polar Bear run in downtown Indianapolis.

My training runs have been less than stellar this month in terms of reaching my goals.  I haven’t gotten outside as much as I’ve wanted and the treadmill has been annoying me lately.  Wednesday group runs aren’t too bad and I’ve been ramping up the pace with mixed results.  My goal one of these Wednesdays is to keep up with the 11:30s the whole time.

This morning I started the race and just thought I’d see what I could do.  What I achieved was the best time I can remember on a 5k!

It was cold and windy this morning, with temps coming in at 27 degrees.  I was running late when I left the house and thought I might not even make the start of the race.  I couldn’t figure out where the start line was and I was just kind of wandering outside, but then finally got everything settled and got set up to go.

I ran the first mile all the way through and cut my usual 60 second intervals to only 40 or 20 seconds depending how my lungs were doing.

I finished strong and happy and was very happy I picked this race.

February Race
3 Miles
11:59 pace
35:57 total time

There are days I would pay money for a run as good as I had today and to feel as great as I felt today.

It was a beautiful 47 degrees today on January 7th.  I ran hard, strong and my legs were calling the shots today.

I’ve been dealing with an annoying little cold for the past week.

I woke up last Monday and I could feel it coming on, but Tuesday when I woke up, the brunt of it had hit.  My throat was totally closed off, my sinuses were clogged and my temp was up 4-5 degrees.  Nothing near the flu (*Thank you flu shot…) but still not fun to have.  In the past week it just hasn’t gone away, even today.

*Side note- that jumbo, combo box of Dayquil/Nyquil that I bought months ago with a coupon at walmart – TOTALLY coming in handy this week.*

Sickness aside, what really gets me is that I’ve been unable to run, or work out, in that entire time.  With traveling that makes ten straight days of no aerobic activity, which is driving me CRAZY!

No running, no lifting, no anything.  I’m dying to get back into a routine, especially with a race only 2  weeks away, but it’s hard to do when I can’t breathe and I’m sneezing all the time.

This post doesn’t have a real purpose other that to vent my frustrations and reflect on the changes that a year can make.

I started running in December 2010 and that first day was PAINFUL.  I kept telling myself to appreciate the small milestones each time I met a new goal.  Looking back, a year later, the change is incredible.  Not just physically (down 13 pounds and 7 inches) but also mentally.

Running has changed the way I look at the world and everything in it, and I encourage anyone who thinks that they can’t do it – that they can’t be a runner – to try it for one year.  If you’re not hooked on it by then, then find something else, but my hunch is that it will change your world, too.

Blogging feels very self-indulgent.

As life spun out of control, the temps crept up over the past month and work took over – the blog suffered for one simple reason.  Blogging feels self-indulgent.  As I fought for time with family and friends, as I went in early and worked late and as I even tried to scare up a few moments for “me-time” this blog suffered, my writing suffered and so did my running.

This blog, and writing in general, is very similar to running.  Both feel self-indulgent and are always the first to go when priorities start getting juggled.  Right or wrong – that’s the way it is.

So, here I stand.  I can ignore it and drop this blog and pretend that I’m perfect and totally planned to skip a month of blogging, to half-ass the first two weeks of training for the fall half marathon. Or, I can lay it all out.

I screwed up.  I put myself last for the past month.

Professionally things happen like that too, things fall through the cracks. I wish they didn’t and there are certainly days that I wish I was better than I am at catching every single detail; every single email; every single thing that passes by my desk, but there are days that I don’t.  There are times that after working 20+ days straight and 80-hour weeks that things fall through the cracks and I absolutely hate that.  The perfectionist in me wants to scream and shout and then stay up all night to fix it.

It’s harder to do that when it’s something self-indulgent like running or writing.  I move heaven and earth to serve others, to make times for family and friends and to get work done.  It’s so much harder to move heaven and earth and make time for just me.  When the results aren’t as immediate as any of those other items; it’s just plain hard.

Running progress is slow.  December 16th will mark my 1st run-aversary.  When I look at the progress in nearly 8 months it’s incredible to think of the progress so far. And yet- there’s so much farther that I hope to go.  Each run is its own challenge.  Each run is its own internal battle.  Progress is measured in miles, in months and in years.  When the stress piles on, it’s easier to knock out the small things that add up to progress quickly.  It’s easier to do what others rely on you to do.  It’s easier to serve others and spend time with others and receive that immediate feedback from others.

Part of the internal struggle that I’ve faced this summer as my plate gets more and more full is carving out a spot to keep learning, developing and making time for me.  I feel great after a run and after writing for an hour, but I feel like I still have a plate full of stuff to take care of.  When I knock some of that other stuff off, it’s easier not to feel bad about not making time 3 miles because I’m the only one I let down by not doing those miles.

So, I’m laying it out.  I screwed up and I want to be accountable for it.  This past month, I let myself down and I own up to that.  All I can do is dig in and move on from here with all the purpose and motivation I can muster.

3 miles Sunday, plus cross training and two miles yesterday, plus cross training.  Three miles on tap with a running buddy tomorrow and some more cross training tonight.  So far, making time for myself feels pretty great.